"Why can't I ask someone why they don't respond without sounding like a crazy b*tch?"
"That 6am workout is gonna feel so good tomorrow."
"My body is so tired."
"I am dead."
"I have nothing else to give."
"I just need to cry for a good couple of hours and I'll be good. But I have to get up in less than 6 hours."
"What if I went for a drive? No. I need to sleep. Or cry. Either way."
"What am I doing tomorrow? Workout. Volunteer. Study. Class. Walk the dog. Done."
"Maybe we can hangout tomorrow. No cuz then I'll be up late and I have a FULL day on Wednesday."
"Stop wasting energy on this iss not that serious."
"Maybe I should get rid of snapchat. I bet that would do wonders for my mental health right now. I gave it up for almost all of today and I think it was good for me. It put me back in control. Because when you snapchat other people you give them full control to leave you on read and then you're left wondering if/when they're gonna respond and that messes with your head."
"Should I bail on this 6am workout and workout later instead? No I need to study in that time."
"Maybe I'll just lay here until I fall asleep. Wonder how long that will take."
"I'll cuddle my dog that always helps."
"I should write a blog post about what my brain is doing right now."
*cries for ten minutes*
"Well I know that wasn't long enough."
"When I finally do have this mental breakdown it's gonna hit HARD and it's gonna feel so great."
"F*ck it I'm just gonna say it. Nope that might make it weird. But what if it doesn't? What if it ends up being a good thing?"
"I wanna go home."
"Tomorrow is gonna be rough."
"I wonder if I open or close this weekend. *checks schedule* I close both days. Hmm making plans for the weekend?"
"I have to pee."
"Whatever happens will happen. You're always saying you're a go with the flow kind of person so do it, just go with the flow."
"You asked to hang out the last two times, let them do it this time. But what if they don't? Then they don't and you know where you stand. But that's scary. But it's how it is. You can't always be the one putting in the work."
The other day I was laying in bed, after watching a movie and couldn't stop my brain from wondering. So I decided to write everything that came to my brain down. I really think it helped me to get everything out onto something and finally be able to go to sleep. Did I go to bed much later than I planned? Yes. But did it help? Yes. And that's what matters.
So if you're wondering what my brain sounds like before I go to sleep or when I can't sleep, this is it.
I would encourage anyone who is having wandering thoughts before bed to write them down somewhere; even if you don't hold onto it. It just helps to get it out of your head.
댓글