I'm not going to lie to you, I have never experienced what I have been experiencing lately in my entire life. I was blessed with a body that is always skinny, hardly ever gains weight, has a super fast metabolism, and I can also eat whatever I want and stay the size that I am.
When I started cheer, I was always the one in the air. I was always the smallest one on the team, besides Sadie, of course. Even on my team last year, I didn't do a lot but I still got to be in the air. My favorite part of cheering is being in the air, putting on a performance. It's what I contribute best to. My tumbling is not great, so stunting is where I shine.
This year, that all changed for me. I walked onto a small coed team, meaning there is about 18 girls and 4 boys. Now I'm not gonna lie, I expected to be in the air. But as practices went on, I was in the air less and less. I realized that compared to these other high school girls on the team, I was too big to fly; something I have never experienced. One girl when I was getting ready to go up said, "Oh shit she THICK." This should be a compliment yeah? But not in the cheer world, especially if you're the one going in the air.
Don't get me wrong, the confidence I have in my body is something I have built up over the years and been comfortable with for a long time. I'm even confident in the fact that I know my legs are bigger than most girls and I have the ability to fly incredibly light for how dense I am. But when I walked in and saw these 95 pound girls that are tall and skinny, thigh gap and everything, I immediately saw what was going to happen. I was not going to get to be in the air, and slowly, over time, that is what has happened. I'm lucky to get put in the air a couple of times for a practice.
This experience has been one that I have to adjust to, which sounds selfish and stupid because I know it's something that other people experience way more often. But for someone who has never experienced this or ever had to worry about, it's an adjustment.
Whether people realize it or not, body shaming happens to everyone and it effects us mentally and physically. Today, at practice I was going through my head about how I was going to get to where I could be in the air. But then I realized, that's exactly what people expect when girls become cheerleaders. They become self conscious about their weight which can lead to unhealthy habits. I constantly have to remind myself that I am lucky to be the size that I am, have the metabolism I do, and be built the way I am. I worked hard for where my body is at and where my mind is at with regards to how I feel about my body. I can't let something so shallow and small such as being in the air ruin that.
It's so easy to get caught up in the worldly things like weight, size, etc. but that's exactly what the world wants. It's so important to remind yourself of where you're at, how you got there, and where you're going. Just because one person thinks that your image is not ideal doesn't mean you should let it ruin your life.
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