Everyone starts every greeting with, "Hi, how are you?" and everyone always responds with "Good, how are you?" But lately, my response has been, "Tired, ready for this semester/week to be over."
I thought that when this semester started, I was going to burn out incredibly fast. But I've managed to keep that from happening for the most part; switching things around, changing up the schedule, etc. Up until the last couple of weeks. I've been on the same schedule for a few weeks and it's getting old. It's also getting stressful because the end of the semester is coming, which means it's crunch time for grades.
Burning out, matched with stress is not a good combination lol. And I always come to a point where I hit a wall. I just have a complete mental breakdown for a couple of hours. And I start over. But I have been craving this meltdown for a couple of weeks now and it still hasn't happened. Normally I would think that is a good thing because I don't feel that I need to have a meltdown. But lately, I have been feeling the need for that meltdown and it just continues to not happen. This last week, especially, has been very difficult for me. I find myself tearing up at shows that I'm watching and that NEVER happens to me.
The reality is that the end of the semester is here and I'm burning out; something I have been trying to postpone. I am pushing through and finding ways to get around the stress, feelings, etc. But I would much rather just have the meltdown and quit waiting. My sisters and I have discussed multiple times this semester that we have hit our wall and we are very open about it because we all know that it happens and it needs to happen. But what sucks is that I have been waiting to hit that wall for about two weeks now and I'm still waiting. It does no good for me, it just keeps piling up and piling up. I can't make it happen, and I can't keep running away from it. But I wish it would just happen already.
You don't think you crave things like a mental breakdown but you do. And it is perfectly okay to have them. I have them at least once a semester. I'm lucky if it's only once a semester lol. Sometime you just have to let your body reset however it decides to do that.
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