As I've been getting back into dating and things like that, I have started to re-evaluate my standards, expectations, etc. I'm not saying I want to find the love of my life right now but I want to date around, meet new people, see what I want, what I don't want, you get the point.
In high school, one of my teachers said to me, "Date as much as possible in college, not sleep around, but date." The whole point of dating is to figure out what you want in a relationship, what you don't want, what you're willing to settle for and what you're not willing to settle for. Ideally you don't want to settle at all but compromise does exist somewhere sometimes.
I wish I had taken him up on that advice. Instead, I got into a relationship three months into my first year of college and believed I needed to make it work for as long as possible. I tried to justify every red flag that came up. I believed he could change, that we could talk things out and fix it, that I could change him. But after having the same fight 4-5 times over, I realized that this was not the case and I needed to move on, which took far too long. But nonetheless, I realized it and acted on it.
Point is, as soon as I saw about the fourth or fifth red flag maybe? I should have decided to move on. But I didn't. I had this idea in my head that my first real relationship had to be.. the one. I watched most of my older siblings meet their significant other in high school and marry them or plan to marry them. I had never really seen someone go through more than one relationship. So when this one started out, I believed it had to be the one. But just because that's how most of my family did it doesn't mean that's how I had to do it. I should have started running after about the fourth red flag LOL.
But it's okay. I believe it was an experience I needed to have. I did it, I learned from it, and I am better for it. Unfortunately, I feel like almost everyone has to go through one toxic relationship to realize what it is that they should never settle for or accept from someone. This goes for friendships or relationships.
My standards have always been very high because of how my parents raised me and the significant others that my siblings have. And when I started dating I figured those standards were too high, which is probably what led me to settle for so much in that first big relationship. But now more than ever, as I get older, I am realizing that those standards, as high as they are, are what is going to lead me to find the perfect man to be a part of my life.
I am grateful to my family for setting such an amazing example to what I should expect from my future significant other. And I am grateful for that past relationship that also taught me what I should expect and what I shouldn't stand for.
Toxic relationships, toxic people, etc. exist and are unfortunately a part of most people's lives and it takes a lot to realize it's happening and to make the decision to move on from that. It's a big step to take, but it's one that will lead to a much happier life. I have learned what I should and shouldn't stand for, how I deserve to be treated, what is justifiable and what is not. Does it make things a little harder? Of course. But will it be worth it in the end? 100%.
Don't settle for second best. You deserve to be treated like a queen/king. And no one should ever settle for anything less.
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