If you had told me, 7 years ago, that today I would be sitting in my brother's apartment in Reno, Nevada spending a month of my time here, chasing my dreams of going to PT school and exploring a random city that a year ago I didn't even know existed? I would have called you crazy. If you had told me, 7 years ago, that I was going to leave the Dirty Sherm, all the people that ever caused me hell, and moved to Lubbock and started a whole new life for myself? I would have laughed in your face. If you had told me, 7 years ago, that I would be the most optimistic person you have ever seen? I would have never believed it for a second.
I was looking through my Pinterest feed from years ago (yes I used Pinterest LOL). All my sad quotes, sad stories, quotes about bullying, quotes about being hopeless, etc. and I actually got emotional..I couldn't believe how hopeless my thirteen year old self was. I couldn't believe the pain that my thirteen year old self was experiencing. I look back on all of that and remember everything that I went through, everything in my story that made me feel like nothing and made me feel like I was never going to do anything with my life. That I would live in hell forever and never make anything of myself. I used to be the most pessimistic person. I used to think that life had nothing to offer me but pain. I used to believe that I was worthless and that I didn't contribute anything meaningful to the world. But when I thought about moving to try to change that, it terrified me and I couldn't do it.
But eventually, I did.
And here I am, seven years later, I have a brand new life. I forgave everyone that ever caused me pain and moved on. These days, I am experiencing all of the positive things that life has to offer. I'm having fun, I'm meeting new people, going new places, and chasing my dreams. I'm in my last year of undergrad (year and a half if we're being technical), I became a certified personal trainer, my pup that I raised and trained myself became a certified therapy dog based on my training alone, I have a 3.8 GPA, I'm on a local cheer team in Lubbock, I have all these new friends and amazing experiences to talk to other people about, and I'm sitting in Reno, Nevada, living here for a month to spend time with my big brother and his girlfriend but also to chase my dreams of going to grad school.
I speak about my past experiences because they got me here. My dad said to me, "I'm proud of how emotionally strong you are. I'm sorry for all the sh*t you had to go through to get there but.." And that's what reminds me that without everything I went through in middle and high school, I wouldn't be where I am. I fought through hell to get where I am today and I am so much better for it. It's part of my story, it's part of who I am, it's part of what defines me. Because without it, I don't know where I would be right now. I would probably still be a pessimistic, anti-social girl that's still living in her small hometown like everyone else.
And if I can get through seven years of emotional torture, I would like to believe that other people can too. There is so much more that life has to offer beyond the immaturity of high school or middle school. One of my brothers said, "Anyone in high school or below is mean. They just are. You just have to get through high school." And it's true. Life gets so much better after the B.S. of high school, I promise.
When I look back at everything I have been through and achieved and overcome I remember that, "I know where I've been but I also know where I'm going."
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