I mentioned this past week that I would be writing about my massive depressive episode that I had last weekend. However, I pretty much ended up having an entire week of overwhelming depression. So..let's talk about it.
On Friday, March 19th, I was off from work, didn't have any school work, and the plans I thought I was going to have got cancelled. It was basically a recipe for disaster. As I mentioned in my last blog, my brain runs on schedules. And if that schedule changes, especially on the day that it's supposed to happen, I completely shut down. And that's what I did on this day. I stayed in the same clothes I woke up in, I didn't eat anything that required more than about a minute of effort (so nothing substantial), I was crying off and on all day, and watched TV. On days like that, it takes everything in me not to take my sleep medicine and/or a Benadryl at 3pm and sleep until the next day so that I don't have to be in the state that I am in.
But I got through it and the next day I thought I was over it. I cleaned up my room, I got ready, did my homework, worked out, ate actual meals, made my bed, etc., and moved on.
The next few days I just didn't feel right. I was irritable, tired, sad, and stressed; not to mention the fact that I got my first shot on Tuesday which stressed me out even more and caused me to have a complete breakdown on Wednesday. I thought I was being productive throughout the week but I think I was really just trying to distract myself. It's now Saturday and my arm is almost completely back to normal, I'm caught up on my school work, it's my last day of work for the week, and I have managed to get back on the workout train. I'm starting to feel like I'm getting back to normal.
Why did I just tell you my whole life story from the past 10 days?? Because days, weeks, months, like this happen. There are days we can't convince ourselves to do anything that requires more than 60 seconds of effort. There are weeks we can only convince ourselves to do what's required of us and no more. And there are days we are on such a "life high" that we can't believe that just a few days ago we felt like we were at rock bottom. The good thing about those days is that it makes the bad days feel worth it. Every day I get through the "rock bottom days" I remember that there's a better day coming.
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